How I stopped worry from wrecking my life.
The biggest lesson that I had to learn from experience, even though I have heard it said multiple times, is that you should not worry about things that are out of your control. It is a great piece of advice but very difficult to execute.
See, when things are not going according to plan, you feel like you have to fix it. However, we don’t even stop to understand if the thing we are trying to fix is out of our control. I certainly don’t have control over the economy, interest rates, the hiring pool, customer decisions, or even someone that wants to sue me. This is where entrepreneurs get in a sticky mess. These out-of-your control problems feel like they should be in your control, because they are effecting your business. You get focused on the wrong problems to solve. All of this leads to incredible anxiety, worry, and a fight-or-flight response to all of your problems.
Let’s face it, these problems come with strings attached. They have the ability to raise our blood pressure, change our mood, and destroy our productivity for other things that truly matter in your business. If you’ve been an entrepreneur for any length of time, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
This behavior can be changed, however.
The first step is to identify how a problem makes you feel and think.
If a problem you’re facing is causing you to feel extremely anxious and is invoking a flight-or-flight response, it is likely because your subconscious brain is telling you that the problem is out of your control. We are mere mortals that can focus on, and solve relatively few things in life. So when we encounter a novel problem which is bigger than us, we jump to worst-case scenario and immediately begin to think of the most severe impact it will have on our lives.
A feeling is usually a pretty good indicator of a bigger-than-you problem. But another great way to pinpoint it, is to audit what is taking up the most room in your brain. Continuously cycling through the problem and all the ways it can destroy you is not healthy. It’s definitely not how we think of our every-day decisions. So if you catch yourself doing this often, you might be trying to control a problem outside of your ability.
Identifying these energy leaches is only the first step.
Next you have to actually deal with with the worry, so it doesn’t wreck your life.
I don’t think it’s terribly constructive to spend your time worrying about things you can’t fix. — Charlie Munger
This part is a little more tricky and I can only tell you how I have dealt with it. I think it requires an individual response for the most part.
In late 2022 me and my business went through a major crisis. I lost my business partner to a health issue, a couple of our team members left, I was being threatened with a lawsuit, my aunt died, and one of my children was hospitalized for 4 months.
To say I was going through some stuff would be an understatement. I had to transition this business from a leadership perspective, navigate a buy/sell, fend off a lawsuit (which I did successfully), and support my family. All together, this was a magnificent problem that was extremely overwhelming. However, analyzing each specific problem, I realized, I could only do so much to actually improve my situation. The rest was just worry.
The analytical side of me kicked in (after a few weeks), and I began to create a list of things that I could do to help my situation and left the rest in the “out-of-my-control” section. I took that list of things that I could do and put the easiest first. I needed some wins at this point.
How do you shed the worry for things out of your control?
To do this, I got personal. I started to be much more intentional with my journaling. Writing down my worries, giving a voice to the ‘worst-case scenario’ and integrating gratitude.
I did not miss a day of exercise and I stuck to a routine that made me feel in-control. I read the Bible everyday and offered prayer. See, when things are out of your control, you gain hope when you’re able to present those larger than life problems to a higher power. There is comfort in having faith that this life is just a dress rehearsal for eternity.
…the success of one man in any walk of life spurs the others on. It does not sour them… — John D. Rockefeller
The life you want is built with a few tweaks to your awareness and routine.
It’s been said that life is a journey and not a destination. Along that journey many experiences can derail progress. Equip yourself with the knowledge to identify those moments when your progress can be derailed and have a plan to get you back on track.
